unspoken words of that stubborn soul…

3* Her Heart in His Eyes


As she utter those words, Geun Suk was immediately in front of her, his arms enclosing her in a cocoon, giving her warmth. She cried helplessly.. She cried ugly. She didn’t have an idea where those tears are coming from or why these tears are even here. It’s as if a weight was lifted from her chest, like she’s crying as if her life is dependent on it.

“Shhhhhh”, she heard him say, while his lips planted a kiss on her head. It’s as if he has an idea what is even happening inside her head, when she could not even figure out how they’ve come to this point.

She rested her head on his shoulder, her heart too heavy to be calmed. Her tears are running non-stop, as if they’ve been hiding for long.

Has she been hiding that long? Running that far? How long has she been floating, going as if nothing is happening around her…

“It’s ok, Princess…it’s ok. It will be ok”, His whispered words, just like before, works like a balm to her heavy heart.

“Oppa…”, and like a broken record, all she could say was that word. She’s still confused, lost. Her head is playing some havoc within. Nothing seems to be clear except for that need to let go of these tears and that uncharacteristical need to let go.

She’s been playing that part of being strong for long, and as good as an actress as she is, no one seems to notice that she’s been lost in this charade…

All have been carried away on thic act, all except for this guy who seems to have been waiting on the sideline for long, anticipating when she will let loose and let go.

While those tears are having a race down her cheeks, she suddenly felt a lift at the corner of her lips… There could have beeen something wrong in her head. She could have been running for long, for her crazy to have been let loose the same day that this emotion was allowed to show her shape.

While her mind was lost in checking her sanity, she felt him smile against her head. Still puzzled on how he knows every beat of her heart, every frown of her mouth, and every lift of her smile, she held him closely while smiling, crying on the calmness that suddenly replaced her confused heart.

“Oppa…”, how intelligent her words have become. She kissed his cheeks and unknowingly rested her head on his shoulder. Just like that, everything seems to be clear. All doubts and haze have been gone, replaced by the serenity in her heart.

She may try to hide.. play pretend and get lost in the game she herself has drawn. It’s a bit scary.. that place where all she can see are masks- different shapes, different colors that take a peek at her everytime she try to look at the mirror.
It’s frightening, when you’re trying to find a familiar face, and even the mirror would show you nothing but make-believe strength and stories.

It’s right there.. right then that she realized there’s no need for a mirror. What would she used that mirror for if she herself cannot figure out the truth on the face that she sees behind the glass?

“Let’s get you home”, she heard him whisper.

She took a step back, looked up at him and saw herself in the orbs of his eyes.
He smiled lovingly at her, took her hand, and ushered her slowly on their way home.

She almost forgot. She doesnt need a piece of glass if she has his eyes, mirroring the depths of her soul… the desires of her heart…
His eyes who sees the ugly… the weak… the random in her, yet, he still hold her close, as if he’s scared she’ll walk away.
He held her close.. still holding her close, reminding her time and again, that she’s ok.. more than ok.. more than enough…
Her heart, mirrored in his eyes.


3* A Little Bit of Something

“Five minutes!?”, the guy smirked as Geun Suk approached the bench at the park. Kurt handed him a cup of coffee, while Geun Suk offered him light for his cigarette.

“Punk! Don’t ruin my mind trail!”

“Tch! Does that mind trail include a girl in the land of Uncle Sam, driving a Maserati, with a flower boy as a chauffeur?”

“Nah. The mind trail include a guy who can finish a conversation in ten seconds flat!”

“Awww. Jang Geun Suk-ssi, i am not available at the moment. And if ever you decide to leave that someone i know…. nah… i won’t convince you to come back to her. One second Geun Suk, and i will be one of those guys waiting to have a taste of that kid’s blood”

Geun Suk smirked, and threw daggers straight to that guy.

“You wish, dude. you wish”

“Same as the wishes of the other guys out there. Tch!”


Kurt shook his head, smiling as he flicked the end of his cigarette. He may have known that guy for years, knowing how the wheels in his head turn, but when it comes to his insecurity for that girl, he may never know the end of it.

“Have you talked to her?”

“Hm?” Geun Suk answered absentmindedly.

“I asked, have you talked to her?”

“The friend? um.. yeah. The girlfriend, haven’t”

Kurt simply looked at him.. dumbfounded, but knowing him and her, he just shook his head and smiled.

Message ping.

“Oppa, can i talk you?”

Kurt read the message, then looked at that guy.

“What?”, Geun Suk said, as he took a sip from his cup.

“My friend sent me a message. Would you like to check whether the friend or the girlfriend sent you one as well?”

“Nope. She definitely did not. Neither of the two would have. And…. given the recent turns of events, I’d rather not check if i would want to keep my words”

“Crazy b*stard! Can i answer this one while you’re sulking here, or would you prefer me in a distance?”

“I dare you to do it, Kurt. I dare you, if you still want to see the sun shines tomorrow”

“Easy!”., Kurt said in surrender. I’m just having some fun here. It’s not so many times that i have you wrapped around my finger, or so they said”

“Tch. Pali, call her. She must have something important to tell you”

“Maybe… might be as important as the coffee date last night”

“She told you that?”

“Ow! Is it a national secret? Dude, relax. It’s just coffee.. coffee in the desert.. haha”

“You, punk!….”

“Yeoboseyo? Yup.. it’s ok. I’m free. Where are you?”

“Malibu Beach…”, echoed from the speaker.

Malibu Beach…Tch!

“Kurt Oppa, have you heard from Geun Suk Oppa? He’s not answering my calls”

Geun Suk looked at the phone, and then at Kurt, his forehead creased.

“Oppa, are you on speaker?”

Geun Suk could not follow whatever it is that Kurt was answering. His mind focused on that girl, his ears only hearing her words.

“Hal! I’m not ranting about him. He won’t even give me a chance to nag. He won’t even call me. He won’t even answer my calls. Min Ho Oppa thought i’m a bit of a psycho. I was just staring at my phone, waiting for his message”

Tch! You made me promise. What are you? Hormonal! One call… just one ring and you’ll turn my world upside down…not that it’s not inverted at the moment

“It must be the waves of the ocean, Oppa. Wait, i’ll pick another spot”

Tch! Waves of the ocean… Is someone bothering you at the moment, Princess? Aisssh!!!!, Geun Suk thought to himself as he was flipping the pages of the magazine.

“Hm… the air is quite nice. And the sea seems to sing at night. I wonder how the ocean sounds in Phuket.”, she said, shaking her head as if remembering something.

“Why don’t you ask the guy who’s been going in and out of there?”


Geun Suk’s hands stilled, as he heard the echoes of her heart.


“Shin Hye….?”

“Hm… there are some things which are better left unsaid… better not to ask…”

The ghost of that year is still haunting us down. Happy anniversary! Geun Suk thought sarcastically as he remembered that it’s only a month over one year when that incident happened. That incident that broke and shattered them both. But they came stronger together, didn’t they?

“Shin Hye?”

“Mianhae, Oppa. Maybe, i just felt tired.. bored.. disappointed. I’m quite hormonal.. ha ha ha”, she faked a laugh, hiding her tears.

Geun Suk looked at the phone, his face blank.

“I wonder how Sri Panwa looks like. I wonder how he feels whenever he goes there. I wonder what he needs to escape to, and what he finds as an escape whenever he’s in there. Aissssh! But, i won’t ask. I won’t dare.”


Geun Suk’s heart stopped beating. He stilled, his eyes not leaving the phone.

Empty… lonely…I need to escape your absence, to tear myself from becoming a lost puppy whenever you’re not around. What i find as an escape? Myself… myself who’s missing you.. i’m trying to escape the emptiness only to come face to face with that man without his heart. I need a distraction…. A serene place with the sunset at the back drop.. our song playing softly at the background and your face appearing in repeat mode whenever i closed my eyes. Crazy… jinja… crazy.. what has become of me?!? Ask me Princess… Dare to ask and you will find the deepest secret of my escapes in Sri Panwa… Mianhae… mianhae… up til now, those were the only words that i can offer for the heartaches of that year

“I thought…”, Kurt said, his eyes anywhere but on Geun Suk’s.

“Ha ha ha. Don’t tell Oppa. Kurt Oppa, promise me, you won’t tell Oppa. I will sound a bit whiny. It’s either he’ll tease me to death, or he’ll find me a bit too childish. Ha!”

“A.. cham.. Oppa, have you seen the stills? Haha.. i was trying to reach Geun Suk Oppa. I want to tease him about the Maserati. The car is quite fast, but Min Ho Oppa is not quite familiar. I wanted to steal the wheels and drive it myself. “

“Shin Hye?”

“A.. i sprained my ankle the other day. We were shooting some scenes. I accidentally twisted my ankle….. And the day before that, i was with Min Hyuk. You’ve met him before, right? Hm… what else. I met some stars at the set. I was really overwhelmed Oppa. If you only saw my face when i saw the banners….”

Geun Suk had shut them off… those words..those words were like white noise being drowned in the background.

What do you want me to do, Princess… tell me…is this my signal to call that deal off? Can i come to you now? Or is it this time that i should stay still and watch you from the sideline.. Mianhae… mianhae.. i’m having a hard time decoding your words. is it too difficult, or am i simply trying to ignore your words, finding an excuse to call this off?

She’s scared. Her fear eating her whole.
She’s fading. She’s sinking…
She’s trying to reach out… waiting for him to save her.

“Kurt Oppa, they’re already looking for me. Kamsa….”

“Take care, Shin Hye…”, and as Kurt was about to end the call, Geun Suk stopped his hand in mid air…. prolonging their connection.

And as if she sensed it, he saw her smile, and whispered, “I’m doing great, Oppa, right?”

Geun Suk nodded his head, and whispered, “Saranghae”


3* Third Loop

Everyone wants a piece of my Princess.
Do you think she’s gracious enough to give a lowly man like me an hour or two?

Shin Hye smiled as she read that message.

Why is this lowly man asking for this ordinary girl’s opinion?
Can’t he ask her himself?
I wouldn’t know.. I probably wouldn’t know.
And besides, I’m kind of lost of who among his Princesses he is talking about.

Send. Shin Hye looked at her phone, smiling, probably out of her mind to wave that red flag at this time of the day.

For goodness sake. It’s only 7 in the morning. Why is he up this early?

Shin Hye lied down on the bed again, smiling at nothing in particular. Aniya, it’s not that mornings like this is becoming rare and rare, but the idea that Geun Suk is also in the same soil that she is is somehow comforting… the idea that they are in the same time zone, waking up in the same side of the globe is quite new.. rare.

Two minutes. Five. Ten.

Still no reply.

“Aisshhh!”, Shin Hye tossed her phone, and rumpled her hair. “Just like that.. simply like that and it’s called off. Jinja Oppa! Can’t you try harder, pretend a little that you understand that sometimes I also need to feel being chase after. Aissh! Jinja!”

With fire in her eyes, Shin Hye searched for her phone again, and immediately sent a message.

Found the courage to ask the Princess; hence, no time to say thank you to this ordinary girl.
I hate you, Oppa!

And with that, Shin Hye officially dropped her phone somewhere, went straight to her bathroom, and prepare for her, and her “alone” day to begin.

She was running from her room, her hair tied in pony tail, a sweatpants and loose shirt, ready for her biking routine, when she remembered breakfast specifically served today.

“Eomma!” she called as she was going down the stairs.

“Going somewhere, Alice”, her Mom asked, as she saw her taking the last step down.

Shin Hye just pouted, and shook her head. “ Will just do some biking and might probably think of other things to do later”

“Don’t have any schedule today”

Shin Hye shook her head, still with that pout, hug her Mom from behind, and as they were walking towards the kitchen, she was saying, “no schedule, but no one would want to play with me. “

“Find a playmate, and his head will definitely roll down the ground”

Shin Hye’s eyes automatically flew to that corner, her face paled, then flushed upon seeing that guy holding a bowl of scrambled egg, a frying pan on one hand, and deadly glare in his eyes.

“Oppa!”, was all she could utter.

“Good morning, Princess”, he said, with a curt.

Shin Hye tightened her grip to her Eomma, her legs backing off, while her Mom was just smiling at both of them.

“I’ll leave you both for a while. I need to continue with the necklaces that I am preparing for the next fan meeting. Geun Suk, are you sure it’s ok to leave you in the kitchen?”

“Deh, Jangmonin. Just don’t forget to leave your Princess as well. I have this gut feeling that she will be flying out of this kitchen at any moment”, Geun Suk smiled sweetly at Mrs. Park, then returned his icy eyes to that girl.

‘Eomma..”, Shin Hye whispered, as if asking for help.

“I’ll leave you two here. I don’t want to see blood on my kitchen floor, Geun Suk”, her Mom said teasingly.

“No worries, Jangmonin. If ever there will be, I will clean them myself before you witness the end story of the murder that is about to happen”

“Yah! Oppa!”

“Scared, Princess?”

“Eomma”, Shin Hye called unto her Mom’s retreating back.

She was left standing there, fiddling with her fingers, not sure on what to do or say.

“Sit!”, that guy said without looking at her.

Shin Hye almost tumbled down as she immediately pulled a chair and settled herself.

Closing her eyes, calming her nerves, trying to figure out why she is scared, and when she come to the conclusion that she did not do anything wrong to be treated like a problem child, she opened her eyes in a flash, ready for her attack.

But what she saw next disarmed her. Geun Suk was standing opposite her, a plate of her favorite dishes in one hand, a hot cup of chocolate drink on the other, while his eyes are settled on her face. His face was tilted as if reading her thoughts, and the moment her eyes met his, his gaze softened, his lips with a smile.

“what did I do?”, he started without removing his eyes from hers, while setting her breakfast on the table. “I didn’t do anything? Are you sure?”

As if they both can read the mind of the other, Shin Hye just looked at him, and slowly nodded her head, then shook it, as if emphasizing her words. “Didn’t do anything..”

“Maybe I read it wrongly.. maybe I heard it wrongly. I guess you’re declaring a war”

Guilty. Shin Hye bowed her head, cutting the connection between their eyes. And then as stubborn as she is, with no hint of remorse, she lifted her head again, challenging that guy “Wae? I just said why not ask the Princess. And then, you did not dare reply after”

“Maybe I decided to do as I was told. Why not ask the Princess herself”

“And have you?”

“Haven’t given the chance yet”

“And why are you here?”

“Ah.. we’re still back on that game. I think I should be the one to be a bit shaken, insecure at the moment. I think I deserve to pull out that rant at this point, insecure”

“I am not insecure!”, she said, her childish self channeling immediately.

“I didn’t say you were. I said, I suppose I should be”

“You didn’t say I am, but you implied”

“Hm…”, Geun Suk said, nodding his head, while pulling the chair opposite her. “And, may I ask if my Princess did not feel a bit insecure when she threw at me the question of my Princess’ identity”

“How would I know?”

“How would you know if you feel insecure?”

“How would I know who among us girls you are referring to?”

“This is not funny… not even a bit. Are you playing with me, or you simply wanted me to chase after you?”

About to feel guilty, her head shoot up that moment she heard his next words. “You were inside my room?”

“Did you see me there?”

Shin Hye blinked her eyes twice or thrice, and with fire starting to flare in her eyes, Geun Suk immediately backed off. “I was outside. And I was not spying at you, if that’s the reason for those fire. I just happen to pass by… actually, was about to call you, when I witness… heard the silent monologue again”, he said, rubbing the back of his neck, aware of the sudden turnaround of events.


“Guilty as charged. I want you to chase after me, Oppa”, she said lowering her eyes.

Geun Suk lifted his head, smiled, then said, “So, there’s no need to recite my vow? To assure you the very least that you are the only one… that I haven’t laid eyes on anyone since I saw you that day”

“Ani… ani.. remove that phrase. It’s not as if you have your eyes only on me since that day. We both know that’s not true”

“Oh, so aside from the renewal of vow, do we need to do another history review… count that number of girls that I’ve met..

“and was with”, she added

“ok.. so was with since that blessed afternoon. Do I need to spell out their names and enumerate those instances you’ve met each one of them?”


“Wae? You’re the common denominator of them all. At one point or another, each one of them has met you. Can you imagine that? You’re the only constant thing in my life.. well save for my Eomma and Appa..”

“And Team H”

“Are you also insecure of Team H”

“Yah! I told you I’m not insecure”.

Geun Suk simply ignored that one, then gearing back to the problem at hand.. “Princess, will you please, for your goodness sake, not put your name together with the word girls in one sentence. You’re not supposed to be in a place with the others”

“Wae? Because I’m insecure?”, she said with a pout, suddenly hurt by those words.

“Aisshh!”, Geun Suk took her hand, played with it, then slowly met her eyes then said, “Because they are not worth mentioning when you’re name is already there”

“So you’re sweet talking me now?”, she said, with defiance.

Geun Suk’s jaw dropped, sometimes getting crazy with the way this girl’s mind work. And when he’s about to loosen his hold on her, he saw her smiled then said, “I love you, my Frog Prince”

“Ha!”, Geun Suk closed his eyes, smiled, then said arrogantly, ‘I am now the Asia Prince, but still the Frog Prince to your standard”

“You might be their Asia Prince, but you will always be my Frog Prince. You surprised me to be someone I really hate upfront. You bully me after, persuade me that you are a Prince”

“Your Prince”

“Yeah, my Prince.. then you dare me to kiss you so you can transform into the Prince that I dreamed of”

“And I become that dream, am I not?”

“Minus the smoking and the drinking”

“We can sort that out”

Shin Hye smiled, suddenly remembering those years that were.

“I am not your ideal, you said”

“Not the pretty boy-type Jang Geun Suk, I said”, knowing in an instant what it was he was referring to.

“So I am?”

“You are insecure”, she said, teasingly, and was taken aback when he whispered, “I am”


“I might be conceited at times..”

“A lot of times”

“Ok, a lot of times, but when it comes to you, I don’t think I’m even at par to someone you simply deserve”

“That’s total humility, I see”, she said, smiling at him.

“Simply the truth”

“I love you. Do I need to renew the vow as well?”

Geun Suk smiled, then shook his head. “Ani… I want to hear it on that day.. that day when you will officially be mine”

“So we’re not yet official”

Geun Suk’s face suddenly stiffened and in his low voice, commanded, “Eat, before the food gets cold”

“And where is your plate, Mr. Jang? Don’t tell me you’ll be full by simply seeing me eat, because if you dare say that, this plate will definitely fly “

“Ha. Don’t be too conceited Princess. I do the cooking, so it is your responsibility to feed me. Ah”, he said as he opened his mouth.

“Aisssh!”, she pretended to be annoyed, as she smiled, feeding that guy.

“Ah cham, I heard, the other flower boy still hasn’t given up after the call I gave him during the Etude House series”

“Hm.. nugu?”, she asked, while slicing the sausages.

“The heir”, then he smirked, the red flag waving again.


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A Napkin dreams..

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