hersideofstory

unspoken words of that stubborn soul…

5* Free Pass (Roller Coaster Ride Re-run)

I knew the moment she felt my presence. Her shoulder stiffened, as if forcing herself not to turn around and recognize that I was here.

I could not blame her. How could i?

Instead of braving her stubbornness, I held myself rooted on that ground, looking at her through that distance.

She slowed down, paused… stopped. She was counting her breaths… wary for my shadow that she expects to surprise her from her peripheral.

Would she be surprised if I would not attempt to surprise her?

I stood there, motionless.

She stopped there, waiting… she angled her head, threw a sideward glance as if confirming whether her instinct has been betraying her too much.

She knew I was there. She felt me, but she couldn’t see me. I wouldn’t allow her to.
She has no proof. No tangible evidence to prove that I was here.

Am I here? Or am I just an illusion, pretending that I was here?
Was I breaking her faith in herself? Or her faith in me?

She shook her head. She smiled a bittersweet smile. She started to push herself and continue with her journey.
I was left there…. Buying some time… fighting the inevitable.

Three… four months… I don’t know. I’m not sure. I lose count of time.. of days… of months…
I saw her standing from afar… looking at me.. reading me….
She was looking at me in those lost eyes, as if trying to gauge me… guessing the ticking of my mind.

I stood there.. looking at her, looking at me.
I was staring at her, reading whether she could read the message I was trying too hard to conceal. I was losing her.. my time was counted.

I was trying to prove her wrong… to prove me wrong…
She didn’t know me that much.
She still has time.
I’m letting her go…

What have I just said? Have I heard myself correctly? Stupid b*stard!

My kite was tumbling down. I was soaring too high.. too far.
I asked her to let me go for awhile, prove to her that I am mature enough to know the limits.. my limits..
I almost forgot.. completely forgot that I don’t have such sense of limit.. I don’t know when to stop or where to stop…

I saw her eyes widened as she saw me approaching those dark clouds. I was hit, face first, and stumbled and flown to a different direction. She tried to stop, grabbed the string and pulled me back…. But I don’t want her losing it all because of me…

I knew she cared.. she loves me.. loved me..
And she will not forgive herself if she lost me while giving in to my pleas.

She took the string and maneuvered me to her right, pulling me close, not letting me go.
I slowed down, when I saw the well of tears swimming in her eyes.

She’s trembling.. she’s scared..
I forced myself down, letting her know that she’s in control.. that I will go wherever she would want to send me to.

I lied.
I fooled her.
I cut the string long before I stumbled upon that cloud..
I lose touch of the ground the moment I saw her eyes glint at the sight of her wings sparkling against the sun.

She was holding me back to avoid me from losing control.
I was holding her back, making her lose her chance.

I am my man.
I know what I want.
I’m certain of my plan…
Until logic once again crossed my heart.
This time, it’s not because of my selfish self.
This time, it’s because I want to be selfless for her.

I want to see her soar.
I don’t want to be the dead weight, pulling her back.
I am certain of my heart….
But my heart can wait…
And I am willing to wait…

The trip in this roller coaster ride seems to be endless.
I met this loop, this deep, a few years back.
I screamed my heart out, challenged gravity on its face…
And here I am again, approaching that rise.. and the expected fall.
If I was the man I was before, and if she was just any other girl, I would give up this pass, and say, “to h*ll with fate”
But I am this man she made me to be and she is this girl I prayed so hard to have….

The ride is worth it…
I’ll take a thousand loops… I’ll fall from a thousand feet.
I’ll face the ground upsidedown
Eyes open wide, my hand clasped with hers.
My heart in her hand, hers in mine.

And as I see her standing there, her back facing me…

“When can i do this with someone too… ”

geunshin

She slowly turned around, her head tilted to the side…
My hand in my pocket, the other holding her image…

She looked at me, her eyes meeting mine.
I looked at her, my eyes answering hers.

The ends of her lips lifted a little.
I nodded my head, took a step closer.

She shook her head, her eyes twinkling.
I took a step closer, daring her to step back.

She stood her ground.
She dared not read me.
She didn’t need to.
She knew me… more than I thought she did.

The service has ended.
People made their way through the crowd.
I was just standing there, and she on her spot.

The world kept on turning, but time has stopped between us.

“Will you be there for me.. at my wedding?

I smirked.. held out that devilish laugh.
I met her gaze.. shook my head…

“Pray hard I will be there, or brace yourself to stay single forever”

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