unspoken words of that stubborn soul…

Chapter 36: False Pretense

“I guess we have something to talk about”, he said in between gritted teeth, and pulled that girl outside of that place… hoping to keep his self in control before he finally explodes.

Geun Suk pulled Shin Hye outside of the venue, barely registering in mind anything that they passed by. His grip on her wrist was too tight, his mind processing a thousand things, unaware that he was almost dragging that girl with him.

“Oppa…”, Shin Hye said, trying to call his attention.

“Two minutes, Shin Hye. Give me two minutes”, was all he said without looking at her.
As they reached the parking lot, Geun Suk opened the passenger’s seat, still without looking at her, said, “Get in”

“Where to?”, she asked, getting a bit irritated on this treatment.

“Get in”, he repeated coldly, his eyes on the ground.

Shin Hye bit her lower lip, sighed then proceeded inside.

Within five seconds, the guy was able to reach the driver’s seat, and in two second after that, the car was zooming outside of that area. Geun Suk glanced at his watch, closed his eyes, chewed his lips, then remain silent throughout the drive.

Shin Hye simply looked at him, noticed the dark circles underneath his eyes, the strain on his face, his grip on the steering wheel, as if he didn’t want to let it go.

She let out a deep sigh again, looked at her watch, smiled weakly, then looked outside the window. She hugged herself, the coldness of winter seeping through her vein was not the reason though. The silence inside the car, his silence is leaving her too cold.

“Are you cold?”, he finally broke the silence, adjusting the heater, still without looking at her.

She simply nodded her head, tried to search his eyes; still he’s too angry.. too coward… too unsure of all of these things.

She shook her head afterwards, her patience reaching her limit, but she didn’t want to lose it all. At least, until she found out that everything is ok with him. She glanced at her watch again. Thirty minutes after nine. Still a bit early, but with the way things are going, she’s doubting whether they can finish a good five minutes of pleasantries.

“Do you need to be home early?”, he asked, his eyes on the road.

She shook her head, her eyes on him.


Five minutes after…

“Fifteen minutes…”, she whispered, without looking at him.

“Hm?”, he asked, giving her a swift glance, then as if he cannot dare look at her, averted his eyes again and concentrated on his driving.

“It’s been fifteen minutes since you dragged me out of that place…. “, she continued, guarding her tongue and her patience.


“Will you stop the car?”, she said, a bit irritated.

She saw him gripped the steering wheel tighter, his knuckles turning white.

“Oppa….”, she said, pleading him to talk.

“What are you doing at the bar?”, he asked, anger evident in his cold voice.

“Stop the car…”, she countered, coldly.

Geun Suk looked at her, bit his lips, and after seconds of uncertainties, he let out a devious laugh.

“hana…”, she said, pissed off of the way he’s treating her.

“mwo?”, he said, looking back at her.

“dul…”, she continued, looking at her hand holding her handbag.

Geun Suk let out a curse then abruptly stopped the car. Shin Hye heaved a sigh, and without looking at him, grabbed the handle of the door. But before her hand could pull the handle, another hand wrapped hers, holding it. She looked at their hands, and waited for him to say something.


After five seconds or ten, still without hearing anything from him, she tried to reach for the handle again, making his hand hold onto hers tighter.


When her other hand closed into a fist and her reflection in the car window showed her cold eyes, her teeth biting her lower lip, she heard him say, “Mian….”

Shin Hye closed her eyes, waiting for him to say more.

When she thought she would be disappointed, she heard him continued, his hands pulling hers from the handle. “Can we talk?”

“I’m listening…”

She saw him smiled at her peripheral.


Shin Hye just looked at him, urging him to continue.

She saw him closed his eyes, as if trying really hard to control something.
Then, in a voice laced with too much control, he asked without looking at her, “What are you doing at the bar?”.

Shin Hye smiled, and liking the indecisiveness in the guy sitting next to her, she answered coldly, “Who are you talking to? Your hands?”

The guy was surprised, his face immediately facing hers. She saw him smiled sardonically, shook his head, then said, “My little girl is growing up”

“Continue with mocking me, and you’ll definitely talk to your fingers later”

“Park Shin Hye!”, he shouted, as if his self control has left him in that instant.

“Wae?”, she said, fear absence in her teasing eyes.

Geun Suk closed his eyes once more, ran his fingers through his hair, then slowly faced her, and continued, “What are you doing at the bar?”

“Am I not allowed to go there?”,she answered, her eyes meeting his.

She saw him swallowed, as if controlling his every nerve from exploding.

“Will you please answer me properly?”

“How do you want me to answer it? What do you want to hear?”

“What are you doing there?”, he repeated, his voice warm.

“I was with Kurt, you saw us, right?”, she answered her eyes never leaving his. She saw him flinched, still he did not remove his eyes from her. She wanted to stop this charade, but the way his acting is really getting into her nerves. “He asked me out”, she saw his hands closed into a fist. She’s starting to feel guilty about this, still she continued, “he told me he’ll pick me up from the agency and will go to that area. Is there something wrong with that?”, she asked, her eyes focused on his hands.

The hands raked his hair again. She saw him closed his eyes, looked at his watch, then, started the engine again.

Startled, Shin Hye exclaimed, “Where are we going?”

“I’ll bring you home. It’s getting late”

“I thought we’re going to talk”

“We have talked enough. I’ve said what I wanted and I’ve heard what I was praying so hard not to hear from you”

Shin Hye laughed. Geun Suk looked at her with questioning eyes. “I can’t see anything funny in this!”, he said, too frustrated.

“You are. You’re funny, Oppa”.

Geun Suk stopped the engine. Rubbed his hands on his face, then laughed crazily.
“I look like a fool, ain’t i?”


He shook his head, smiling. “Is he kind to you?”, he asked, trying to avoid her eyes.

“You know him more that I do. He is, right?”

He simply nodded his head. And with the effort of pushing away his pain, he asked, “How long have you been seeing each other?”

Shin Hye let out a chuckle. This Geun Suk sitting beside him is quite new to her. “Earlier. Around five hours ago. He asked me to meet him at the ice cream shop in front of my school”

“Hm..”, he said, nodding his head, his hands made another round in his hair.


Seeing the strain on his face, and remembering the scandal that he’s in, she closed her eyes, and tried to concentrate on the matter at hand.

“Kwaenchana?”, she asked, trying to look for his eyes.

“Yes…”, he said, looking back at her. Then in a blink of an eye, she saw the pain written on those orbs. She didn’t know that he’s hurt this much. “yes..”, he repeated as if trying to convince his self. Then when he finally sees her eyes, he continued… “no… no… no… I’m not ok”

“Oppa…” she asked,worriedly.

“Mian… I thought I’ll be a good sport.. I am.. I was actually.. but I don’t think I can with you..”

“Eh?”, she asked, confused.

“Shin Hye… can you not see him? I promise I won’t say anything to remind you of what I feel. I’ll be your Oppa, no more than that. I will treat you as my dongsaeng. If there is really a need for one of us to see someone else, I”ll find someone. If you’re ok with it, I’ll find someone. Just don’t see someone else, yet. You’re not yet ready, right? You don’t want to commit yet, right? I won’t push you. I will wait. Just don’t… please.. don’t …”


“Shin Hye, I gave you the space you’re asking for. I didn’t ask for anything. I waited for you… I didn’t know Kurt…”

Shin Hye narrowed her eyes, and when it suddenly dawned to her, she smiled shyly.. teasingly, then started, “Kurt called me out today, saying he wanted to grab a cone”. She paused a little watching him shifted his position, as if not comfortable with the story she’s relaying to him. “Do I still need to continue?”, she asked a bit disoriented on the way he’s acting.

“I’m listening…”, he said curtly.


“Then..” he cut her in, asking her to proceed.

“I met her at the shop. He ordered some ice cream.”, she saw him closed his eyes, as if trying to control to sudden surge of emotion. She smiled, watching him. Not that tormenting him like this could give light to her eyes, but knowing that he still cares.. he still concerns.. he still lov… no.. andwae.. might not be that deep. He might just missed the old times… those times when all she has is him.. and his is hers. She paused again, suddenly her emotions getting a hold of her. The roller coaster ride.. are we going there again? Holding our hopes up, to be shattered once again after a minute or two. She closed her eyes in a flash of raw emotions cutting deep into her, then in a slight movement at her right, she was reminded of why she decided to meet Kurt today, or to even be dragged outside of that place with this guy.
She then heaved a sigh,opened her eyes and looked at him. “Kurt Oppa told me that someone he knew was roaming the streets of Seoul to find an array of ice cream. I didn’t know where he was leading to, but somehow, somewhere along his words, I felt a familiar pinch in my heart..”

She stopped. Geun Suk looked at her. She smiled, then averted her eyes. “I saw the news this morning…’, she trailed off.

She saw him shook his head; still, he did not offer any word.
“Kwaenchana?”, she asked, looking at him.

The guy simply smiled.” I’m fine.. I’m good”

“Kwaenchana?”, she asked again, her eyes not leaving his.

Geun Suk looked at her, irritation drawing its color on his eyes. He laughed… he shook his head, and that was all.

“Kwaenchana?”, she repeated, her eyes probing his, her teeth biting her bottom lip.

“I am!”, he blurted.. angry… annoyed… she couldn’t put a finger to which exactly he is feeling right now. But she’s not blind. She can read his eyes, in as much as he can read hers.

“I am going home”, she said, her eyes now fixed on the dashboard.

“Damn it, Shin Hye. Don’t play with me?”, he hissed, his nose flaring with anger.

Shin Hye froze. Her eyes as wide as saucers. She was surprised.. scared… she hasn’t seen him like this. Then she heard him uttered, ‘Mian.. mian… I guess I’m ruining it all.. mian…”He kept on saying it without looking at her.


“You saw me today, right? I’m doing fine. How could I even manage the stunt that I pulled in there if I am not? Everyone else knows I’m fine.”

“I’m not everyone else”, she whispered, this cold mask getting deeply into her nerves.

He ignores that statement. “ The press is just exaggerating it…”

“And they’re hurting you in simply doing that exaggeration.”


“Kurt..”, he started.

“Kurt is just acting as a friend that you’ve known him for long. Don’t be too unreasonable, Oppa, and turn it away from the subject that we are dealing here with”, she continued, almost hysterical.


“I was still mad… at myself.. on you.. on whatever it is that we have, if we ever have something. I still couldn’t understand any of it. I told you I will try to think it through, and may be after I settled everything… anything.. I’ll be in contact with you again. You know what, Oppa? I still haven’t cleared anything. I don’t think I have even finished one argument laid on me, because in answering one question, I was led to another and another, which at the end will bring me back to my first question. I don’t even want to start thinking again…”

“Shin Hye..”

“I tried to shut my world off.. really getting tired of thinking.. considering… assessing.. then one bright morning, when I was about to start my make believe world, the news on you suddenly struck me, and I found you closing your world as well”

“Shin Hye, I’m fine”

“yes, and pigs can fly… Oppa, this is Shin Hye.. I am Shin Hye.. could we drop the act? When I see your photos on the news today, I saw you teasing them all…. They might laugh at you.. play with you.. but I read the charade, Oppa… and I hate it. I hate you for trying to close your world like that”

“I am not closing my world! Stop it, Shin Hye.. We’re not going anywhere here”, he bit out harshly, his hands trembling.

Shin Hye felt her tears making their way down her cheeks. She heaved a sigh, and just simply look at him.”

“Stop crying. For goodness sake, stop crying”

“I am not, Oppa.. I am not crying, in the same way that you are not hurting”

She heard him curse something, then silence once again enveloped the interior of his car.

“Look at me Oppa!”, she said, demanding his attention. “I am smiling… I should not be hurting, right? Look at me Oppa… I might be crying for joy, who knows”, then, unknowingly, her hands started opening and closing.

“Stop it.. “, he said, his eyes closed.

“Wae? Why can’t you look at me? Because you see right through me, Oppa. And you know that it’s hurting me seeing you like this”

“And it damn well making you uncomfortable fighting your urge to run away and get through this once and for all. You are hurting for me, and upto this point, you’re still not sure on why you’re feeling like that”


“Shin Hye, stop hurting yourself for me. I may not be worth it. Who would have known? They might be right all about it.. all about me.. I might be that shallow.. that empty”

“I am not hearing any of this”, she said in resignation.

“Why? Are you too disappointed that I am what they are painting me to be? Mian.. I might not be that person you thought I was”

“And you might have not loved me the way you have told me before”

And just like that, the invisible glass was shattered
And they are treading that dangerous zone… again.


2* Second Loop

(Ooh Boy) inneun geudaero saenggakhae bwa
(Hey Boy) boineun daero nal barabwajwo
(My Boy) geopumcheoreom geojit mameul
Bubble Bubble Bubble Pop!
Bubble Bubble Pop! Pop!

The music suddenly stopped and Shin Hye looked at the direction of the studio’s sound system.

“Oppa, wae?”, she asked Jun Oppa with knitted eyebrow.

“You need to rest. You still haven’t breathe a little after the photoshoots this morning… Shin Hye-ya, you can say you’re tired.. no one will get mad at you”, Manager Jun said, shaking his head.

“I’m fine, Oppa. Jinja…”, she said, smiling to ease the worry in her manager’s eyes.

“Shin Hye-ya”

“Kwaechana… aisssh… Oppa, I know when to stop…. I just can’t…. don’t want to stop now… I’m fine, jinja…”, she said, knowing that this is exactly what she wanted at this point.

Strike while the iron is still hot… where did she hear that? Ah, that doesn’t matter. Shin Hye was jinja thankful that she’s finally being noticed. Hay…. Ten years, and finally….

She turned on the music again, and while dancing to the tune of Genie, the music suddenly stopped.. again, and as she slowed down her movement, closing her eyes, she smiled, then said, “Jinja…”


“Oppa… chebal”, she said, giggling, while still not opening her eyes.

The guy simply smirked and stood with his back leaning against the wall, waiting for that girl to open her eyes.

“I thought you have rehearsal today”, she said, shaking her head, smiling.

“Yah!”, that guy finally spoke, wondering how that girl figured out who he is.

“You thought you can trick me, hm?”, she said then as she turned around, before seeing his face, she uttered, “How’s the music composing thing?”, and then acted as if surprised when she saw someone different from what she supposed is expecting.

Geun Suk just narrowed his eyes, looked at that girl, shook his head then said, “Wrong room, I guess…”, and was about to turn away, when he caught the smiled in her eyes.

“You’re playing with me, aren’t you?”, he said, straightening his stance, eyeing that girl.

“Ani… I was really expecting someone else, and somehow wondered when I see you there instead.”



“Drop the pretense, chingu…”

Shin Hye almost dropped down when she heard what he has just called her.

“You were not my chingu…”

“And never your best namja chingu, I heard. After I lifted you to the pedestal of Hong Ki and Kurt, I was still not your best chingu… not even a chingu”

“Ah.. you have better reminded me of that…. I was lifted to that pedestal, you said? The little bugger, the soul sister was lifted to the pedestal of being the best friend. I guess I forgot to thank you on that, have I, Geun Suk-ssi?”

“That interview, I guess, is history, Shin Hye-ssi. And as far as I could remember, that one is a closed case. But the one that I have just mentioned, the chingu who suddenly became the best chingu.. the namja chingu.. which, interview after interview, is escalating to one level to the next…. The rumored namjachingu… boyfriend.. one word, so, I heard?”, he said, while walking lazily towards that girl.

“What can I do, Oppa? If questions suddenly shifted to that tone… should I suddenly pause, and insert Jang Geun Suk-ssi in the scene. I guess we’re doing good on it. I haven’t heard my name either in all of your promotions..”

“And not of any single name, I suppose.. which makes me, I guess, a bit better, don’t you think? No mentioning of name, rather than having one single name popping up in every interview”

“And, I guess, the name is coming every now and then, having half of Korea, speculating, as I’ve read, that we are indeed a couple. We do look good, don’t you think?”

“Ah.. my little bugger has grown up indeed. Where did you learn to answer like that?”

“I have a great teacher, I heard…”

“And this chingu of yours.. I heard, you really do look good together, coming from the Princess herself. Should I be hurt and call it quits then?”

“Ha.. call it quits? How can I be fair? I haven’t started yet, Oppa.. not even started… considering the roller coaster ride that you set me up in… nine years?”

“Oh.. so the chingu thing, based on this line of reasoning, is actually a way of coming back to me, is that it?”

“We do look good, don’t we?”

“I guess that one has been established for years already”

Shin Hye wrinkled her forehead, somehow got lost somewhere in that conversation.

Did he just admit that we look good together?

“Lost in your line of argument, little missy?”

Shin Hye blinked once.. twice, then, gearing back to the battlefield, smirked, then smiled to that guy.

“I guess… we do..”

“Definitely…We do.. no one else comes close”, he added, winking at her.


“Wae? Is there an objection?”

Shin Hye giggled, then ran towards that guy, while Geun Suk steadied his position, readying himself on the upcoming attack.

That girl landed in his arms, her hands automatically clasped around his neck while his are on her waist. Shin Hye brought her face near his,and with that mischievous smile, she whispered. “I know the sound of your footsteps, Oppa.. I can hear the beating of your heart as you come one step closer. I can’t tame the beating of my heart as I feel you coming near me… I can’t breathe… my lips automatically curved into a smile, even before my brain would come to analyze why”

Geun Suk just smiled, that smile that is only and exclusively for her.. that smile that melts her heart.. that smile that can send her heaven and back here in his arms again.

“You better not schedule an Asia Tour next year. I don’t think I can manage being too busy, without my little bugger bugging me in my rehearsal”

“Hm?”, she said, confused.

“I miss you… I miss the call… the surprise visit”

“Oh… “ she said, quite confused of the feeling playing inside her heart.

I thought…

As she suddenly bowed her head, avoiding his eyes, her hands sliding from his neck…
Geun Suk smiled, caught her hands, then said, searching for her eyes.

“I know you are beginning to like this… Finally, they have given you the attention that you deserve long before this time…Ah.. Geun Suk-ssi is just not fair.. definitely not.. how come he’s trying to stop me now…”, then he paused, staring directly in to her eyes. “Do you really think I’m that immature, unfair, reckless fool who would stop you on something you really dreamed of?”

“Yah, Oppa..”, she said, trying to withdraw her hands.

“You haven’t learned that much from your teacher, then?”


“Try to trust me a little, can you?”

“Mian”, she said, bowing her head.

Geun Suk lifted her chin, then said,”I love you. I’m happy for you. And I am definitely proud of you”

“Hm”, she said, smiling, and in one swift movement, she tip toed and surprised him with the light brush of her lips on his.

Manila FM:

“We look good together. We work comfortably with each other.”, she said, referring to one guy. and when that name was mentioned, no emotion involved, or so it seems as that, and then she answered the only way that can justify what he is for her and what they have that others might not able to understand. “We have a good chemistry. He knows my weaknesses and helps me on how to deal with them…”

One, somehow implying the feeling of being comfortable and content…
while the other… hm… let’s simply put it as that feeling of being happy and complete…

A friend to a friend..
A half completing another half

Then, somewhere in the land of the rising sun, one guy has simply closed his eyes, smiled unknowingly, then, with that infamous pout, whispered to himself, trying very hard to maintain his composure in the middle of his own stage… he silently screamed.. 100 points!


Chapter 35: Barely Breathing

“I want to get a cone. Do you want some?”

Shin Hye looked at her phone, smiled weakly as she recognized the messenger.

How are you, Oppa?

Then, after a minute or two, she took the courage that was still left within her and sent a message.

“I’ll be out by 5. Will wait for you in front of the café”

As she passed by the road, aiming for the café in front of Young Pa, she saw the guy waiting for her inside the café. He waved her hand as he saw her entering the shop and stood up offering her a seat.


She tilted her head and wrinkled her forehead, trying to remember the words which she learned a few years back. She nodded her head in agreement and gave a weak, “Neh”.

They sat in silence, trying to find words on how to make it not so awkward.

He broke the silence first, knowing it took her quite much to decide to meet him today.
“I already placed an order. If there is something you would want to add, I can take it for you”, he was about to stand up, when Shin Hye held his hand and smiled at him.

“No need, Oppa. I guess this is more than enough. I’m not that big of an eater”, she said, trying to lighten up the mood.

“Far from what I have heard from that guy”, he said carefully, trying to gauge her reaction.

He saw her shifted a little, as if something has threatened her comfort zone. She smiled a little, dismissing the topic which her eyes have denied, she said, “Why ice cream shop? We should have gone to the coffee shop nearby?”

He shook her head, seeing the stubbornness in that girl.

“One more round in this district and I guess I would have visited all the ice cream shop in the area. Not once, but thrice.”

“Eh?”, Shin Hye widened her eyes in disbelief. “I didn’t know you love ice cream that much”

That guy smiled and just focused his eyes on her.

“Weh?”, she asked, confused, amazed.

“I don’t like cold drinks, unless there’s a hint of alcohol. I don’t like milk, neither”

“Eh? So, why…”

She hasn’t finished her sentence yet when he cut her off and proceeded to that point, which he has been treading on and she’s trying very hard to avoid. “How would an ice cream change her mood everytime she’s feeling down? Does it melt the worries surrounding her clouded eyes? Or does it simply freeze her heart to forget everything? If it won’t go away, do I need to eat this thing every now and then just to keep moving on.. until something happen…a miracle maybe… divine intervention?”, he trails on, trying to read her eyes.

“He said he knows of someone who would eat ice cream whenever she’s not feeling well. When she’s nervous… when she’s scared… when she’s sad. He even remembered the very day that someone asked him for a cone. And that same day, he first realized how it is to have a hollow space in his heart. He ate a gallon after that meeting, but it didn’t lessen the pain.”

Shin Hye looked at him, then averted her eyes in that instant she met his. “Nu gu?”, she said, trying hard to avoid the topic, her hands opening and closing.

“She’s feeling uncomfortable…”was all that he could say.

“Mwo?”, she said, her eyes blank.

“Whenever she’s opening and closing her hands, she’s feeling uncomfortable. Don’t be fooled by her smile. Look into her eyes. If she tried to avoid yours, there’s definitely something wrong. If she bowed her head, wait for a minute or two. It’s either she will decide to put on a mask, or give you the truth you’re looking for. Don’t wait for long to know what it is that will happen next. Search for her hands. If she’s opening and closing hers, she’s feeling uncomfortable. She’s having a battle with herself.”

“Oppa!” Shin Hye said, with her fist closed.

“He’s not saying anything. He’s trying to have all the pain hidden inside. He’s trying to fly away.. trying to remain afloat. And do you know what’s keeping him to go on?”, he said, his voice too soft.

That girl was just looking at him. She’s not saying anything, but he knows she’s hearing every word he’s saying.

“The memories of that girl who shook his world the moment she took ownership of that space”

“Kurt Oppa”

“I don’t deal with things like this, Shin Hye. I think you know that. But, I don’t want to roam around anymore….eating ice creams, listening to his stories as if those were happening right before his very eyes”

Shin Hye shook her head, smiling, imagining Kurt having to tolerate his friend’s rant.

“You’re laughing at me, aren’t you?”,he teased her when he saw her smile the first time. “He’s barely holding on.”, he said, looking in her eyes.

“Oppa, i….”

“As his dongsaeng… for your Oppa”, he said, grimacing at the set-up he heard this two has agreed on.

Shin Hye looked at him, smiled, then said, “You’re laughing at me, aren’t you?”

“If this does not involve a friend who’s eating ice cream at day time and drinking alcohol at night.. yeah, you can bet on it. I won’t be sitting here, making a fool of myself”


“Can you spare that guy a little of your time, and try to talk him out of this mess”

“Hm.. that is, if he still would want to see me, Oppa”

“Am I talking to a wall earlier on? Were you with me just now?”


“You, two, are really funny. Jinja, funny!”

At around 8 that evening, after her rehearsal, she agreed to meet Kurt. That guy drove to Gangnam, throwing her glances once in a while.

“Weh?”, she asked when she felt him looking at her.

Kurt just shrugged his shoulder, shook his head and smiled.

Fifteen minutes after, she was ushered to that same bar they’ve gone to the first time she met Team H.

As Kurt saw her realizing where they were, he smiled and offered his hand to her. “Looks familiar?”

Shin Hye just smiled, then nodded her head.

Before they enter the shop, one Ahjussi stood in front of the entrance, blocking their way inside.

“Girls under 20 are not allowed to go inside.” As he lifted his eyes, he grinned, remembering that face. “12 mn kiddo, you still haven’t learned your lesson”

“Ahjussi…”, Shin Hye said, smiling shyly.

“At least no baseball cap tonight. Geun Suk….. eh.. Kurt!?!”, he exclaimed in surprise, not expecting Kurt to see standing beside that girl. “What is happening here?”

“Hyung, easy. There is nothing wrong… so far”, Kurt said, bowing his head.


“Ara.. ara.. I’m just playing a good friend here, Hyung”

The guy looked at him, shaking his head. “He’s inside. Not sure how many bottles he has already down. And…”, then he looked at Shin Hye and continued. “a lot of girls are inside. Playing, fighting for his attention. He might throw a glance or two, might finish one bottle or four, but he doesn’t go out of this room with any of those girls with him. You got my point, little girl?”

Shin Hye swallowed, widened her eyes, suddenly became scared of the tone of that Ahjussi. “Deh… ahjussi.. arasseo…”

“Good. I won’t strip you off your jacket. It’s quite cold inside.”, and then he grinned at that girl.

Five minutes after, they were already striding inside, with Kurt walking ahead of her, tugging her behind him.

“Oppa, why are there a lot of people here? And the crowd is too noisy.” she said, holding his hand tightly.

Kurt felt the uneasiness in her hand, feeling a bit irritated why he chose today of all days.

Does he go back and send her home?

Ani… said the little voice in his head. His friend needs her…. His friend.

As his eyes scanned the room, he saw his group sitting at the farthest end.

Geun Suk… where is that guy? he whispered to himself as they neared that table.

Shin Hye, with her head bowed down, one hand over her chest as if protecting her body, the other holding tightly on Kurt, avoided to lift her eyes and be dizzy of the light and sounds. She’s never been to a place this crowded.. noisy before…

Oppa… where is Geun Suk Oppa? Her head has whispered as she felt Kurt dragging her to somewhere.

Though the house is packed tonight, Geun Suk didn’t know, but the moment that door opened, his eyes automatically flew to that direction.

And there he saw her eyes.. confused.. scared… lost…

He smiled upon seeing that face, was about to run to her when he was frozen to where he is the moment he saw her bowed her head, her hands clasped with someone.

Geun Suk squinted his eyes, trying to gauge the person she came here with. He let out a cold laugh the moment he realized who that guy was.

Kurt. He said, his voice laced with contempt.

As those two heads neared their table, someone passed between their clasped hands, losing Kurt’s grip on Shin Hye.

“Damn!”, he cursed as he looked for Shin Hye, his hands automatically reaching for hers, pulling her behind him.

But the girl didn’t move. He tried to pull her, but she didn’t move.

The moment he looked up to find the intruder, he smiled a lopsided smile, knowing exactly why that girl was rooted to her ground.

That guy’s eyes were fixed on hers; hers on his. The world seemed to stop, for they were just standing there, looking at each other, not minding those people who were passing them by.

His eyes, hurt. Hers, worried.
His smile, pained. Hers, confused.

“Oppa…”, was the first word she could utter.

That guy smiled weakly at her, then looked at Kurt. “Don’t look for a fist fight when you’re with her. She’s already scared to come here. You’ll just make it worst, throwing a fight in front of her eyes”, he told Kurt, excused his self, without throwing another glance at that girl.

Puzzled, Shin Hye’s eyes followed that guy’s back, lost in what has just happened.

“Kurt Oppa…”, she said, hoping that guy could clarify what has just unfolded before her very eyes.

Kurt shook his head, smiled, then said, “I will talk to him in a minute. I’ll find us a chair first”

As he found their way to where the rest of Team H were seated, he offered her a seat and placed himself beside her. He held her hand, trying to assure her of what, he didn’t know.

Geun Suk saw how Kurt attended to her every need, never leaving her for the past thirty minutes or so. He was just standing from afar, his eyes never leaving them.

Kurt… he whispered silently, shaking his head, biting his inner cheek.

He saw her looking around, her eyes bewildered, searching for someone.

I am here, Princess. I am here. Are his silent scream as he saw the uneasiness in her eyes.

Then, a grin was formed in his lips, mocking his inner self.
She’s not looking for you… will never be…

Shin Hye was sitting in silent, at least three girls were seated in front of her, their eyes studying her from head to toe. Kurt did not miss the scrutiny and was about to say something when Shin Hye’s hand held him tightly.

A minute after, the music stopped, the crowd went wild.

“Big Brother! Big Brother!”

The crowd was asking for that guy, Shin Hye’s eyes roamed around, curious on who that guy is.
As her eyes met his, she smiled then said, “who’s Big Brother?”

She saw him smirked, then she heard him say, “you’re looking at him now”

“You?”, she asked, amazed.

“Weh? Are you laughing at me now?”

“Ani…”, she answered, shaking her head.

The spark in her eyes didn’t escape his gaze.
She’s smiling at him…. But why…

Hearing the demand from the crowd, Shin Hye’s eyes were brought back to the stage as a familiar voice echoed inside the bar.

“Test.. mike.. mike.. test…”

Her eyes automatically found his… his never leaving hers..
Kurt saw the message exchanged between them.

His, searching…asking..

“My dear friend is playing a host to a dear friend”, he bit his lips as those words escaped his mouth. He saw her twitch of the words, and averted his eyes in an instant. “I will be playing the host for tonight, will that be ok?”

The crowd went wild.

“Geun Suk is back” a voice from the back was heard.

“Party time.. party till we drop” one has answered back.

Kurt was about to stand up, but Shin Hye held his hand and shook her head.
Kurt looked back at her, biting his inner cheek.
She didn’t say a word. But her eyes spoke volume.

Don’t. Please.
He’s hurt. He’s hiding.
Don’t push him far.

Shin Hye withdrew her hand the moment she knew Kurt understood.
She looked at that guy on stage, smiled weakly at him, then bowed her head.

Geun Suk saw when she tried to talk to Kurt.
She didn’t say a word, but he knows there’s an understanding in his eyes.
He felt his chest tightened, his eyes with fire.
As he watched those hands pulling from his, he lifted his eyes and met hers.
He saw when she smiled weakly, then chose to drown her words by bowing her head.
He saw her opened and closed her hands.

She’s having a fight with herself.
She’s fighting to understand… to stay and watch him gather himself together.
She’s fighting the urge to run away… to let go and surrender.

He’s guarding her space… his eyes on guard.

Stay a little more… please.
Don’t leave me here…
Stay… please

He’s trying his best to break free from the inner rumblings of his narrow mind.
He’s fighting his self to set aside his childish understanding…

You came here for me.
Please tell me, you’re here because of me.
Save me, Princess…
Please, stay…

As he maneuvered his body, ready to run towards her, his eyes widened as he saw her shocked, confused eyes on his.

A girl climbed the stage, held his face between her hands, and kissed him full on the lips… again.

He saw her stopped her breathing, her eyes never leaving his.
Then out of nowhere, he thought he heard the guy sitting beside her, said something like, “That’s it! We’re leaving!”

That guy stood up and dragged that girl, pulling her with him, while leaving him with threatening eyes.
You ruined your chance, big guy.

Then as they were striding, walking towards the exit, Shin Hye was trying to pull away while Kurt kept his hands on hers, someone passed between them… again…

But this time, he didn’t spare that guy enough time to look for her hand again.
As he passed between them, he caught her hand the moment it slipped from his.

“I guess we have something to talk about”, he said in between gritted teeth, and pulled that girl outside of that place… hoping to keep his self in control before he finally explode.



A Napkin dreams..

this is me

welcome to the inner ramblings of my mind!


let me read and rumble. :)

journey of my mind

the languages of my thoughts

sui generis

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